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Wanting a Tip for Your Tip

Hi, I will make this quick.

Why do I never feel any pleasure during sex? Even without a condom. And I can’t ejaculate during intercourse, I’ve never done this.

Sometimes I have ED, it was worse before but better now with supplementation, lifestyle, and exercise etc.

I’m 37, haven’t really been in serious relationships, mostly dating or picking up girls randomly. Sometimes I performed well, other times I didn’t. I have tried ED supplements, but not the pharmaceutical kind, but they did work well in giving me full erections. I would simply have intercourse for a long time before we would have to stop due to my partner getting tired or the erection would eventually wear out.

I can make myself ejaculate during masterbation, but only when laying down on my stomach and using underwear, or soft clothing as a barrier, and never exposing the head of the penis. I do this almost daily, some times more than once.

I do watch adult films and I do have a powerful drive. I doubt this is a physical problem, maybe emotional, but there’s no trauma, just a lot of nerves and anxiety. But be that as it may, how can I sensitize the head of the penis to feel pleasure during sex no matter what? Its been bothering me my entire life and I’m sure this is normal, but there has to be a way to fix this.

If you need further info, let me know. Otherwise, any tips would be appreciated.

 

Answer: 

Thank you for your very clear description of the issue. I can imagine how stressful and distressing this issue is.

This is a complex issue that can be caused by physical and/or emotional factors.

On the physical front, you want to make sure you don’t have circulatory problems. Does CAD (coronary artery disease) run in your family? Clogged arteries interfere with blood flow and sensation throughout the body. The fact that nutrition seems to have helped you somewhat makes me wonder if you were, without knowing it, improving circulation to the penis.

You also want to rule out neurological issues. Swollen tissues can press on nerves and cause sensation loss. MRIs and/or sonograms can diagnose this issue.

Also, too much stimulation can make the penis go numb. Do you find your sensation lessens with stimulation?

I would assume that you’re using a condom during intercourse, which does lower sensation for all men. Lots of men have trouble coming with a condom but don’t have trouble ejaculating during masturbation without a condom.

I mention this because you say you’re able to ejaculate when you masturbate. And, you don’t use a condom when you masturbate.

But, here’s the rub--if you’ll pardon my pun! You say that in order to ejaculate during masturbation you need to cover the head of your penis. Covering the head cuts down the sensations, no? Yet, you are asking how to sensitize the head of your penis.

I’m a bit confused by this.

So, now I’m wondering if there is, indeed, a psychological aspect to the problem.

You know that the mind and body are one. Feelings and conflicts that we aren’t aware of express themselves in all kinds of astonishing bodily symptoms.

Think of the way our language describes emotional states in bodily terms--a pain in the neck, a pain in the ass, eating my guts out, etc.

I’m wondering if we could talk to your penis and see what it’s saying.

Here’s where my head is going with your little head:

You can’t feel enough to ejaculate with a partner in intercourse, but you can get off when you’re masturbating alone, but you need to cover the head of your penis. 

Normally, a person will cover the head, as you do, when it is too sensitive to direct stimulation. But, you're saying the opposite: that the head doesn't feel enough. 

So what you’re saying is that you need a barrier for your penis in order to get off.

This makes me wonder what kind of shame you may have around exposing your penis to pleasure.

Dig in your memory bank. Were you caught masturbating as a kid? Were you shamed for your sexual pleasure? What were you told about sex during your de-formative years?

One last point… You mentioned that you are anxious. When we become anxious, the body is in autonomic nervous system (ANS) arousal. These chemicals interfere with normal sexual arousal and function. So, I would suggest that you begin to meditate, which will switch you out of ANS arousal and normalize your chemistry. You will know very soon if a chemical imbalance is interfering with your sensations.

I’ve given you a lot to work with. Start by ruling out the physical and then when that comes up fine, then start working on the psychological element. If you need me to help further, you can reach out to me in my private consulting division. 

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