Contrary to popular belief, time doesn’t heal grief. I’ll say it again. Time doesn’t heal grief.
In fact, I know that time actually adds salt to the wound.
Why do I say this? Because we aren’t meant to be separated from those we love. And, the longer we go without connecting to those we love, the worse we feel, and the worse our grief becomes.
Just yesterday, I was talking with one of my dear new coaches in training, Cathy. She started dialoguing with her daughter a couple of weeks ago. She told me yesterday that for the first time in 4 years she felt ready to put up a Xmas tree and the old decorations. But, she added, the experience of putting up the old family ornaments was bittersweet and sad. Of course, it was sad. Why? Because the nostalgia associated with hanging family ornaments brings us back to the past, when our loved one was still in a body. Now we’re falling into the reminiscing trap. Remember I recently said the reason the word reminisce rhymes with the word miss is because the more we reminisce the more we miss our loved ones in spirit. I know it’s natural to go down this road, especially during the holidays. But when it comes to grief, can you see that all the nostalgia and reminiscing makes you grieve more, and reinforces the feeling that your grief will never end!
Think about it. When we reminisce with our loved ones who are still in their bodies, the reminiscing becomes the occasion for rejoicing. We might say, “Remember when we bought this ornament. You were wearing pigtails and you were still lisping...” Then everyone smiles as we weave a lovely tapestry that links the threads of then with the threads of now.
But when we reminisce about a loved one who is no longer in a body, the reminiscing doesn’t keep the thread of connection alive, the reminsicing reminds us that the thread is broken, and then we grieve more.
The more we reminisce over those who aren’t in a body, the more we miss them.
This means, your grief doesn’t end, and it won’t ever end.
So, if you want your grief to end, you must keep the thread of connection alive. And, to do this, you must continue weaving the thread of connection into the tapestry of your current life and rituals, so that you continue making memories with those in spirit.
Take what I did this past weekend. I went back to an inn that Jean and I visited often. I didn’t sit there remembering the past. Instead, I continued my connection with Jean by weaving the thread of the past into the thread of the present moment. I didn’t reminisce over other times when we were here together. I literally brought him to the table with me. I toasted him and our love as I sipped my champage. In other words, I engaged in a continuation of the same rituals we always performed together. In this way, our past and our present were and are one.
Let’s talk about how you can stop reminiscing, missing and grieving your loved one in spirit this holiday and beyond.
Let’s get very concrete. First, before you engage in any activity that you used to do with your loved one, use my visualization and meditation for making contact and then consciously bring your loved one into the ritual.
In the case of my new coach, Cathy, she would say to her daughter. Now join me for decorating the tree. And, she would say, “Remember when we bought this ornament and decorated the tree together. How about we buy a new ornament together this year. You’ll help me pick out the one you like.”
While engaging in the rituals, allow your loved one to enter the dialogue with you. Talk back and forth. And, make new memories together. In the same way that Jean and I had a lovely birthday dinner celebration for him on Saturday night. I will add this experience with him in spirit to all my other memories of birthdays we shared together, like stringing another bead on a beautiful necklace strand. The strand isn’t broken, it just grows longer.
Now, let’s talk about the holidays meals. Again, set a place for your loved one in spirit and speak to him or her during the meal. They are right here in every way but in a body, so why wouldn’t you invite them to the holiday table.
You getting the idea?
The point is, we need to stretch beyond the material realm that surrounds us. We need to stretch our spiritual muscles to include all those we love who are with us in every way but in a body.
It is my mission to help everyone learn how to reconnect with their loved ones in spirit.
As you will soon see, reconnecting is the only way to lift your grief.
And, in the case that you have some unfinished business, my Dialoguing with your Departed technique enables you to heal in body, mind, spirit and emotion!
To find out more about how to reconnect and Dialogue with your Departed, check out my number one International Bestseller, Love Never Dies: How to Reconnect and Make Peace with the Deceased.
If you want to fast track your reconnection, my 8-week Love Never Dies Course, which includes 8 pre-recorded video lessons, 3 pre-recorded groups calls and bonus audios is just what the doctor ordered.