After Rejected by a Guy

You ask if you should take his words seriously and believe that things might change in the future.

This guy seems like a very practical, no nonsense sort of fellow. From reading his responses, it’s clear that he doesn’t want to get his heart all tangled up since you’re going to be leaving.

But he did say that he wanted to have a talk about this when you come back. He was leaving the door open for the future.

Unfortunately, you responded by saying, “I’ll take what you said as a no.’ But he didn’t say no. He said let’s talk when you come back.

I encourage you to reflect on why you responded in this way. Notice the title of your letter to me: After rejected by a guy. But he didn’t reject you. You need to study the part of yourself that interprets the other’s behavior in a way that wounds you unnecessarily. In other words, you rejected yourself! Obviously you didn’t come out of the womb doing this. Somebody rejected you during your early years. Somebody made you feel unwanted, not good enough, etc.

The problem here is that having felt rejected as a kid, you feel unworthy of love as an adult. The result is that you mishear and misread what someone says because you just don’t feel good enough about yourself.

Then, when you misinterpret what’s said, you end up sabotaging your relationship.  Can you see how this happens? You believe that he rejected you. You said I will take that as a no.) This response closes the door to a future. Doing so actually re-injures you because now your mind thinks: I was rejected again. You see. I’m not loveable.

Similar events will occur to you in the future. For your own sake and for the sake of your relationships, you must respond in a less off-putting way. The only way for you to do this is for you to accurately hear what the other person says—and not negatively distort what you see and hear, which only reinforces the wounds of childhood.

My book Till Death Do Us Part will help you identify the exact wound you suffered, show you how to heal your particular wound. The book will also show you how to train your brain to properly hear what is being said (and not said) to you.

As you heal, you will have the confidence to allow yourself to allow your destiny to unfold, trusting that you are worth waiting for! The more healed you are, the more you will feel and believe that you deserve love.

Since you like this guy, you have nothing to lose by taking him at his word. Be his friend for now. Wait till you come back and see what the fates have in store.

I know it’s hard to loosen the reins and allow yourself be carried on the tide of destiny. In truth, all of us must seek to surrender the illusion of control. I use the word illusion because in reality there is much that we cannot control in life. Succumbing to the illusion that we have control is a feeble attempt to beat back the anxiety that comes from admitting just how very out-of-control we are over many aspects of life. 

Try to let go. Enjoy your exchange. Be his friend. If you’re meant to be a couple, time and distance will only deepen your bond. Let’s see what the future holds…