A Strange Problem

You have asked me to help you rid your life of this nonsense and humiliation. Keep in mind that even if we curtail his behavior, the emotional conflict that has triggered his actions will remain unresolved. This means that he will continue to press you for these rape sessions, which will fuel greater resentment in you or he will sit on his urges and resent you for 'depriving' him.

My point is we really need to get to the bottom of why your husband has changed his sexual behavior. Unless you identify and resolve the cause of his behavior, the urge to repeat this behavior will always rear it's ugly head again.

To begin, ask him if he's noticed that his sexual behavior has changed and ask him if he has a sense as to why. I noticed that you said that you are a mother of a child. I don't think that your child is his, but I just wanted to make sure that his sexual behavior didn't change after you gave birth to his child.

I have worked with men who lost their sexual feelings for their wives after the wives gave birth. In more than one case, this loss of desire was traced to the man viewing his wife as 'mother' and since it's taboo to have sexual desire for mom, it was clear why the man's sexuality went on the fritz.

Your husband could still be viewing you as mom even if you didn't have a child with him. There is a phenomenon called the 'mother transference' which refers to the universal shift that occurs in a married man's mind. Usually by the second year of marriage, a man comes to view his wife as his mother (the mother transference) and along with this transference comes all the feelings he had for his mother. If the man was angry at his mother, his wife becomes the new target.

There is something very hostile about your husband 's behavior; he is degrading you, which is an act of aggression. We won't know if he is transferring rage that's meant for his mother onto you until you talk more with him.

It is also possible that the mother transference has inhibited him sexually. Since it's not Kosher to have sexual feelings toward mom, I wonder if he is going out of his way to treat you like a whore, which is as far from mother as he can get.

All this is theory. We need to get with him and have him working on the issue with you. If he refuses to engage in a meaningful discussion, then you'll have to go to do marriage counseling. Meanwhile, you have to put your foot down and refuse to allow him to degrade you.

Adequate foreplay is his ticket to ride. If he doesn't give you enough foreplay, no ride for him. He can't degrade you without your consent. Stop consenting to sex that doesn't feel right. If necessary starve him out. That will get him running to counseling.

Let me know how you make out.