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Asking Her Parents for Their Blessing

Submitted by Anonymous on Mon, 12/11/2006 - 8:00pm
in
December 11, 2006

Question

I have a question about asking my girlfriend's parents permission or blessing to marry their daughter.

I am a 23 year old college student dating a 22 year college student. We are deeply in love and want to take the next step in our relationship. The only problem that may occur is that her mother wants her to be a independent person until she is 30 or so.

I know that her family loves me and they see how happy we are but I am nervous that they would tell me that they want her to marry when she is older and more mature. Her mother has made it clear that they want their daughters to take it SLOW.

What should I do? We both have made it clear that we want to marry and start a life as one. Will they accept or decline my proposal?

 


Answer

From what you've said it sounds very likely that her mother is the one who will try to persuade you to wait until your beloved is older.

Since it sounds like mom, not dad, will pose an obstacle, why not have a private talk with her mom? Ask your beloved if she is comfortable with this. Also ask her if she'd like to be present for the discussion. When you talk with your soon to be mother-in-law, tell her exactly what you've told me; that you adore her daughter and that you both want to start a life together. Tell her that you that she wants her daughters to go slow.

Tell her that you understand she believes that having her girls live independently until age 30 or so will protect them. Ask her how she thinks waiting will protect her daughters. Will they know how to take care of themselves in case their husbands leave them? Tell her that you have no intention of leaving her daughter. In any case, you won't interfere with your beloved's ability to develop herself. Tell her that, in fact, a healthy relationship shouldn't eclipse the other 's independence, and you want to encourage your beloved's independence.

Then tell her, you both want to develop as individuals but don't wish to put your lives or love on hold. Tell her that it's important for her mother to support her daughter's independence by allowing her to make her own independent choices. This is practicing what she preaches!

Finally, tell her that you care very much for her and want her support and her blessing. I want to hear how you make out.

- Doctor Love

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