Anxious over Intimacy

Since you asked the question, Is it me trying to please them (women), I think you're saying that you give a woman sex to please her but it's not what you want.

Pursue this thought and see how it relates to your feelings about your mom. Did you have to do things that you didn't want to do in order to please her or in order to insure her love?

If you didn't do what she wanted, did she abuse or punish you emotionally or physically? Did she reject or abandon you when you didn't do her will?

If so, do you know how you felt (feel) toward her. I would guess that you might feel angry and resentful. This resentment would carry over to how you feel about all women. You need them and feel the urge to please them, but at the same time you're repelled and angry that you have to do something you don't want to do.

As for men, you seem to be more attracted to them (you certainly are very attracted to penises). But, at the same time, you say your attraction is gross. Why do you feel that it's gross? Do you think that homosexuality is wrong or bad?

I wonder if you're moving toward men because of the negative feelings toward mom and all women.

It would be good for you study why you're so repelled by your homosexual attractions. Do you see this as a form of betrayal of your mother? Like in being with men, you're not pleasing her (through women in general?). Because you're so inhibited, the thought also occurred to me that you've been sexually molested.

I've given you a lot to explore. Self-awareness is your first step. If you need further help, my Personality Profile can help you pinpoint the exact nature of your emotional struggle and guide you on how to heal it.